Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Inner Child

I hear a door open and in less than 5 seconds my light is on and Shira is at my bedside, grasping. Pawing. "Mommy, get up. Come on."
Jubilee is still asleep, so I give Ben baby duty and hobble after my son. He wants in the kitchen.
He makes for the fridge and picks up exactly where he left off the night before-putting his fairy puff stickers in their "house", sticking and unsticking them everywhere. All morning he does this, but it isn't until now, a few days later, that I wonder how long he stayed in his bed upon waking before he remembered the stickers from the previous night. Did he wake up and wonder where he was? Did he have to stretch and yawn a few too many times? Did he open his eyes but see a vision of fairy decoration he'd dreamed instead of a blurry bedroom?
No matter. I am in awe at the excitement that started his day, and at the calm that we experienced until bedtime.
That day was amazing. I felt like the best mom in the world. Usually Shira has to try for a bit before anybody is willing to get up. But that morning...I've been wondering if I can do that again.

I've also been wondering why I wanted to grow up so badly in the first place.

I've been a mom for nearly 2 1/2 years. Shouldn't I feel grown up by now? And yet I wake up to Shira, who is generally all smiles and bumble bees first thing in the morning and all I can think about is when my next time to be by myself will be. I mean, I don't even get to be by myself when I'm asleep. I want to do my own thing-play or create. I'm very driven by accomplishment. I feel best when I've just finished a task, or two, or five. And let's face it, any mom knows that there are some days the clean laundry stays in the dryer or pizza is suddenly on the menu.

Anyway, that night I found myself thinking about these things and trying to find what it was I did different from any other day. I ended up evaluating my priorities.

It came down to who I put first, and not what. My list- had I written it down- would have looked like this:
My family

That morning I woke up twenty minutes before everyone else. I used that time to read from the Bible and some blogs, all while still in snug in my bed. And when Shira made his morning call, I felt awake and ready for the day.

I didn't have as much time to myself this morning. There was enough though. I was awake and ready.

And oh so grateful.

Peace to you.

1 comment:

  1. I'm on the opposite side of the spectrum, I get far too much alone time, I try and appreciate it, but I waste a lot of it online instead of being productive.
    Also you are are an incredible mother, I'm glad you are making more room for you.